sigNature

segunda-feira, março 14, 2005

Mixed feelings

things are not easy. these days were not easy. spinning in beds chasing sleep in memories of sheep and numbers and parts of bodies. old timers new comers and places offered as a gift wrapped in tears. raped in tears. first confrontation with the need of survival and the unusual essence of lust. means, motive, opportunity. not wanting to go back, backwards to some teen dream of mature love.

time slips in convenience. art is pleasureless now in this room. no stories. no music. no bullshit, i say. enough with deep lies called "ok". enough with sighs and false accusations. enough with "less is more". pain is always the best drug, i say. the real deal, i say. fucks your body, fucks your brain, leaves you numb when not angry, leaves you so fucking alone in the dark, makes you want to be hurt again and again. it never says "sorry".

leaving a sore mind, i play tricks on myself: penalty cards, hand puppets, cinicism in drag. never thought it would make such a difference. never thought it would be so true and so fake at the same time. forbiden. went there as a child playing alice. came back as a confused mistress in a house of mirrors and masks.

¶ 12:34 da manhã

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