The Private Eye
- Van der Merwe (With that low monotonous Detective voice)

I was sitting in my office when a case came in.
So I finished two bottles from it.
I was tough, so tough I wore my clothes out from the inside.
Suddenly a tall blonde walked past my window.I knew she was
tall because I was on the second floor.

The phone rang and I knew something was wrong. I didn't have
a phone. It was a girl and she was in trouble. I knew she
was, 'cause she said so. I raced down the stairs and called a
cab. The cab stopped with a jerk. Then the jerk got out and I
got in.

We took the corner at hundred kilometres per hour, but a cop
stopped us and told us to put the corner back. We kept on the
pavement, because there was a sign that said: "Keep Death Off
Our Roads".Then we were out of the city.

I knew it, because we were not hitting so many pedestrians.
As we came to her house, she greeted me with a burning kiss.
Then she took the cigarette out and kissed me again. She
pointed two thirty-eights at me.

She also had a gun. She had teeth like the Ten Commandments -
all broken. She also had the most beautiful eyes - so
beautiful that the one eye could not stop looking at the other
one. There was a man on the floor. He had stab wounds in his
heart, bullet wounds in his head and his wrists were slashed.

He was dead. I said: "Lady, if this man was alive, he sure
would be ill".

So I took her for a drive to calm her nerves. Suddenly a brick
came flying through the window and hit her on the left breast,
breaking three of my fingers. We had a flat tyre, so I pumped
and she pumped and I pumped.

Then we got out and fixed the flat tyre. Then I took her home
and as I was kissing her goodnight, her father opened the door
and stepped on my back, almost breaking it.As I was giving her
a final good-night kiss, she closed her legs and broke my nose.

Now I am more careful on my assignments.